MY FIRST POST!!

Nervous about doing this!! So, here goes, my first ever blog....

I want to talk about Mental health. This is a bit of an essay so brace yourself!

Blah, blah, blah I hear some of you say. Another one jumping on the bandwagon. Well that is definitely not what this is!

Something I have never openly talked about not only on social media but to most of my friends and family is my mental health.

The news of Caroline Flack broke my heart. More than it should have done really as I didn’t know her. I could not understand why I was crying over a stranger. I think it was partly because I felt so sad for her friends and family but also because I think I understand hiding your feelings. The ability to be smiley, happy confident on the outside but struggling behind closed doors. But I also could not understand how someone that was so loved didn’t get help. How did the people around her miss that she was that low or see it and not be able to help. It dawned on me that maybe that is the problem.

I am quite open about how I feel most of the time but in a very ‘the kids are driving me insane, god I need a day off, I need 4 bottles of wine‘ kind of way. Never really the honest truth.

I struggle, probably daily, and cry, a lot!! On the bad days I second guess my decisions, doubt my friendships and questions my mothering skills. But no one around me really knows this. Unless I tell them. Most people, to be honest, just aren’t interested. They have their own lives to get on with and their own worries.

I have never sat and told anyone how i truly feel. I am not sure I ever will. But I have opened up a little bit to few close friends. Just expressed that I am struggling a little with something in my life. Most of the time the response has been great. There is nothing better than having someone listen and show empathy. It can make everything feel lighter. But I have also had situations where I have been left feeling stupid, that I need to get over it, like I am a pain for not being happy with my life. That’s part of the problem. No one wants to feel like a Burdon, especially someone who is already struggling with not feeling good enough, wanted, loved or understood.

The bigger part is that I feel people are so busy. Busy, busy, busy. Too busy to see when someone is acting a little different, to notice someone not engaging in conversation as much, someone is shorter tempered than usual. These are all tell tale signs that someone isn’t coping with something. It’s easy to miss I know but if we all just paid a little more attention to life, in front if our eyes and surrounding us and reached out a little more it could make a huge difference. Just a gentle arm rub and a ‘are you ok?’ Or a text or a call or anything to show someone you are thinking of them.

I haven’t written this for sympathy and really don’t want lots of messages asking me if I am ok, that is not what this is about. I guess I don’t really know why I wrote it except to get it off my chest!

Let’s all start being kinder, having more time for each other and understanding that it really is ok to not be ok.

After another hellish afternoon with my 2 feral children I am going to sit here drinking my wine, in peace and quiet.

S x