My little family!

Sooo I wrote a whole blog post today and it didn’t save. Waaaahhh!! Annoyed is not the word. Anyways, I’ll try again. It’s a long one!! I haven’t written in so long, 2 years nearly. And what a 2 years it’s been. The pandemic is still going on of course and there has been too much happen to write about that. What I want to talk about is what’s happened in the last 2 years for me and my family. We made a big house move for starters!! We moved last year to a big project house so that’s kept us busy and probably will do for a long time. But that’s not what I want to talk about. Another thing that has happened and the main reason I’m writing is that we are now a neurodivergent household! I mean I guess we always have been but we now have 2 diagnosises. March 2020, literally a week before lockdown my son was diagnosed with Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It was brought to our attention by his school when he was in reception and I guess we also saw the signs. This meant it wasn’t a surprise but I have to admit that it made me feel really sad. Tears were shed. I felt completely overwhelmed by it. I worried about what this meant for him and his life. I worried about the judgement he would face and also I would face as his parent. I, like so many other people, had very limited understanding of ADHD and most of that came from how it’s been portrayed on TV and very limited stories I’d read, most of which were negative. I can’t lie, I’ve already dealt with a fair amount of judgement, towards both me and him. I’ve had to grow a thick skin, well it’s not quite thick yet but I’m working on it. It still gets to me sometimes. I’ve also noticed how super sensitive I have become to anything regarding him and his behaviour. I cannot stand the idea that he has upset anyone or that anyone would ever think badly of him. He is my baby! I also did what I always do when I feel out of control, I researched. I read, read, read. I literally absorbed everything I could regarding ADHD and put lots of things into practice at home to help him cope better. One thing that came up time and time again in my research was the crossover between ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I felt like a lot of his quirks were covered by both and some were definitely more ASD. So in June 2020 we decided to speak with his ADHD nurse and she agreed that we should get him assessed for ASD. We were advised at the time that it could take 3years plus for the full assessment to be completed. When we were going through the ADHD diagnosis for my son a lot of things kept popping up that we felt described my daughter too. We then started considering if it’s possible that she too could have ADHD. I’ve since learned that it is hereditary most of the time so either Phil or I, or both, would also probably be neurodivergent and that it often occurs in siblings. What I also discovered is that it can be so different in girls. Their symptoms are often very different and they mask them, so often go undiagnosed until teenage years. My daughter was the queen of masking at school. Despite this, when we spoke to the school they had seen some signs so for the second time we embarked on an ADHD diagnosis, this time for her. The pandemic meant getting her assessment wouldn’t be as fast as my sons. It can take up to 2-3 years at the moment which is just shocking. Because of this we decided to, and were lucky enough to be able to, go private. In December we made the decisions to also pursue an ASD assessment privately for our son. It had been 18months since we completed the paperwork and we didn’t feel it was fair on him to wait any longer. Again, we feel incredibly lucky to be in a position to do this. The assessments for both happened quite quickly and within 4 weeks our daughter was diagnosed with ADHD with further conversations regarding ASD for her. This week, 6 weeks after we started, my son was officially diagnosed with Autism. As I have a deeper understanding of ADHD I didn’t have the same feeling of sadness for my daughter but I now embark on a new journey, and another period of research, into Autism. I don’t feel sadness about his diagnosis but I do feel a something. I can’t quite put into words what I feel but again I guess I worry what this means for his future. It’s a feeling of the unknown. What I already know is that his Autism means, amongst other things, he doesn’t really understand relationships and friendships, he doesn’t really know how to have a 2 way conversation, he has limited emotional control and his emotions are heightened, he gets easily overwhelmed if it’s really busy and lots of people are around. He is however a funny, sensitive, caring little boy and he make me smile and laugh on a daily basis. He also gives the best hugs! It’s been a bit of a lonely world so far, being a mumma to ultra special children, and I’m realising sadly how miss-understood our little people are. What I have learnt so far is that most people know very little about both ADHD and ASD and often box it off as ADHD means hyperactive, naughty, boisterous children and Autism is Rain Man (forgive the 80s movie reference but this was how I used to see ASD). This obviously couldn’t be further from the truth. Anyway, I think I’ve waffled enough. I hope to write more about our journey into the neurodivergent world and hope that by doing so I don’t feel so isolated and hopefully will give people a greater understanding. S x